The Only Person
by Arynn Octavia
Summary: Based on Inside I'm Dancing American Title: Rory O'Shea was Here . Rory refelects on his relationship with Michael. Rory O'Shea/Michael Connolly one-sided SLASH. One shot.


A/N: If you've not seen the film, parts of this will probably make no sense to you. It is also full of spoilers. I only own the film on DVD. This story is meant as a tribute to the film, and the the incredible actors in it, nothing more.

* * *

He felt the first stirrings of it the first time Michael had done his hair. The man was funny, and as Rory laughed at his joke, "Unarmed robbery. Bit of a comedian, are we, Mary?" and Michael had smiled up at him, a flutter of warmth had spread through Rory's gut.

Of course, he had had feelings like that before. He had come to terms ages ago with the fact that not only was he a bloody cripple, he was queer as well-just one more fucking thing that made him not-normal. Of course, being wheelchair bound limited his opportunities for experience. Finding a woman willing to do anything with him was hard enough, but another man…damn near impossible. His only chances had been some awkward fumblings with a similarly-inclined man with multiple sclerosis he had known in a previous group home.

So when Michael started showing up in some of Rory's more erotic dreams, he decided that he would allow himself to enjoy it. Anything to help him escape life at Carrigmore, even if only in his head.

It only became an issue as he spent more time with Michael, and found him to be absolutely bloody brilliant. That legal shit he had come up with outside the club, his surprisingly ironic and occasionally dark sense of humor, the way his eyes would light up whenever Rory made him laugh. Rory found himself starting to feel feelings for the man that originated above the waist. He had never felt like this about anyone else before, and it confused him until the day when what he was feeling finally hit him.

It was a day like any other, nothing special in any way. They had already moved out on their own, and were currently watching some mindless drivel on the telly. Siobhan was in the kitchen, preparing their lunch, and the smell of it cooking caught Rory's nose. He sniffed the air, turning his eyes to the left as if that might help his neck turn too, and his eyes fell on Michael. His focus was fixed on the telly, eyes burning intensely as he followed the story. It was only as a commercial break interrupted the flow of the program they had been watching that Michael tore his eyes away from the screen, looking over at Rory and smiling when their eyes made contact. The familiar warmth spread though Rory's gut again, but this time it was accompanied by a flutter. And then Siobhan had called them into the kitchen, and Michael had quickly turned away, making his way toward the source of the delicious smell that was permeating their apartment.

Rory had followed, confused at what he was feeling. He had joined the other two people at the table, watching as Michael held his spoon awkwardly, feeding himself. Siobhan picked up Rory's spoon, bringing some food up to his own mouth, and he opened up reflexively. As he chewed, Michael had looked up at him again, and Rory found himself unable to swallow. At first he started panicking, thinking that his muscle problems had somehow worked their way to his throat. He coughed and spit his food out, causing a look of concern to paste itself across Michael's face. Through all of this, he could not tear his eyes away from Michael.

"No, I'm okay," he said, as Siobhan dropped his spoon, got up and started fumbling over him. "I'm just not very hungry right now."

He finally tore his eyes away from Michael, who still looked frightened. "What's wrong?" Michael forced out, as Rory directed his chair into his bedroom.

"Nothing's wrong," he assured the other man, glancing up at him, before looking away just as quickly when that flutter passed through him again. "I just want some- I need to- I've got to think."

He made his way into his room, stopping his chair in front of the mirror, staring at his reflection.

Love? Fucking love? He wasn't delusional; he knew nothing would or could happen between the two men. Michael was straight, and they were both bloody cripples. He would never be able to wrap his arms around Michael's body, or his lips around Michael's cock. Even if he were able, Michael would never want…

Rory was fucking dying. He couldn't let himself get attached -he tore his eyes away from the mirror, looking at a tacked-up picture of him and Michael that Siobhan had taken for them a few weeks back- only it was too late, he was already attached. Somehow, in all of this, Michael had done something to him. He was fond of the man, that was true enough, but if he was honest with himself, he had used Michael to get out of Carrigmore. True, he wanted nothing more than to see the previously sheltered man break out of his shell and start to actually live life, but his pushing him to do so was fueled by selfish motives all the same.

And now this… This just made things more complicated. He had known for the past ten years that he would die. He had gotten depressed, angry…he had gone through all those steps in the grieving process. It had taken a few years. He wasn't happy that he would have to leave his life early, but he had accepted it, and had decided to make the most of what little time he was given. It was that day that he had decided to get his nose pierced.

But now there was something else he would have to say goodbye to, something that hurt even more to lose.

Over the next few months, he had found himself cycling through those steps again. His admittedly volatile personality was obviously not helped by this, and he found himself snapping at Siobhan and Michael too often, but never could bring himself to apologize. It was made all the harder when he could see Michael's growing feelings for Siobhan.

That night on the bridge, in that bloody rain, trying to talk Michael into not giving up, he had almost confessed his feelings. "I know it hurts. You're not the only one with the broken heart." He had almost said it then, but stopped himself. He couldn't add more turmoil to Michael's life, to his own life.

After that night, it had become harder to breathe. He fooled himself a few times into thinking it was merely his unrequited love weighing down on his chest, but he knew that wasn't the only reason. His life was coming to an end. He had probably helped it along by going after Michael that night in the rain, but even knowing that, he wouldn't change a thing. He would do anything for Michael. He only wished he could stay alive for him. He never wanted to say goodbye.

But he did, in that hospital room, because the most important thing for him now was making sure Michael would be okay. He loved Michael, and when Michael grabbed his hand, he knew that Michael loved him too, in his own way. He definitely didn't share some of the more explicit fantasies that Rory had had over the months. He didn't want Rory in that way, but he would always hold Rory in his heart, and knowing that he would live on forever in the heart and mind of this wonderful man, who was only just beginning to realize how wonderful he really was, was what made Rory finally able to let go. He just hoped that whatever happened after death would allow him to still watch over this man, the only person he had ever loved.

_fin_

A/N 2: This story was inspired by James McAvoy (the man who plays Rory O'Shea). There is always a vulnerability in his eyes. No matter the role he's playing, you can see it. I first saw him as Mr. Tumnus in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Though he was covered in make-up for the part, his eyes shone through. Acting as Rory O'Shea, he only had his face to work with to convey everything he had to convey (as his character is almost completely paralysed) and he did the job beautifully. That he can portray the character as so strong while still retaining that vulnerability in his eyes is a true testament to his ability as an actor. This is only one of many roles that has made him one of my favuorite actors. If you haven't seen much of his work in film and television, you're seriously missing out.


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